Hey mate , no need to bring me into His shit , I’ve been hurt enough by that dick n don’t need the reminder x 

What I say : nothing shit all cause that’s not good for me

Just hide it all away for a bit

2018 was horrible.. I mean some parts where really amazing but honestly overall it fucked up my life and my mental state. I can never go back to how i was before that year, I don’t hate what Iver become a such just certain parts. Some things happened which lead to great things , but some just fucked me up more.

Do you ever sit at a family dinner and feel like you aren’t ment to be there like , like you’re a stranger with your own family. The people who are met to know you the best just don’t… Mm maybes it’s just me ? 

i want to punch through a wall ngl .. or just stab a pillow or something. Ugh

I  keep on thinking about splitting my wrists and neck , I can actually feel the blade and I can see the blood when I close my eyes, it’s honestly scary ..

My latest opinion (which knowing me will go out the window in two seconds) is simply fuck it. I’m trying to lead a life that makes me happy. I’ve realised I’ve sacrificed a lot of myself for others some of who just throw me away when I’ve succeeded to destroy apart of myself. And now I just want to be happy. Even if only for abit. I can smile and do what ever the fuck I want *without being a arsehole* I’ve done things I wouldn’t have done before and they have made me happy again. So please if you find that you are hurting yourself for others who will in the long run throw you to the side. Look after yourself and let that person go..

After the chaos that has been my life for the last 3 months, I am finally getting my self back together. I’m happy again , which means people don’t mind being around me. I’m trying to speak what I think , which is reducing my stress slightly. And I am just getting myself together. I’m ready to be sociable again (not that I was very in the first place), to be present not distant and day dreaming. To be living  in this moment with my family friends and .. other . To focus on my work and not just fail. This is now my time to be happy and not have to worry about toxic people. So thanks for those who have been helping me. I don’t know how long this will last but I’m not gonna think about that I’m just gonna be .. happy.

There are a lot of different people in a coffee shop, the kids and mums. While their children run around screaming of pure joy off that one sip of their mums or dads coffee, while their owner of sed coffee runs around trying to catch them. There are the workers, say there with a laptop or pole of papers , working away even if it is Saturday. The runners , after going in a run they sit down to enjoy a coffee and gossip looking flawless with there sports ware and latte . The perfect basic bitch. There are that Galfreinds who catch up and talk about everything that’s going on. There are the couples who laugh and drink on a coffee date. There are the people sat alone , waiting for someone or just alone. The employees who can’t spell anyone’s name. I was thinking about this while in a coffee shop. Then I thought who am I ? The gothic youth, dressed in full black that’s all people can see. But you don’t see our problems, you only see the way we act or who we are with. You have no Idea of who the people around you are, and most likely never will.